triciathetree wrote:

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FWIW while I doubt it was his intention as such, My Sex does strike a chord if youre genderqueer.

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Gender fluidity was the meaning that I initially prescribed to it, then I looked at it through the lens of my own bisexuality. Neither of which apply to Jarvis.
But as Eamonn says I'm sure he was well aware of the numerous ways it could be read into.

I think Jarvis' intended meaning is quite clear in The New Yorker interview.

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The second side opens with My Sex. (My sexis neither here nor there / is neither him nor her / Its an out-of-body experience.) How did that come about?

I thought that would be a good title. It could have turned into a kind of a jokey song, but I didnt want to do that. The second verse is a bit darker in a waythe stuff like, Love is invisible to the naked eye when its raised in the dark of two peoples minds. My wife doesnt like that one. She said, Are you trying to tell me that youre gay or something? She just didnt understand what it was supposed to be about.

I feel like that would be a bad way to tell someone that.

You know, I wouldnt put it past myself.

Youd have to admit that youre a bad communicator, interpersonally.

Yeah, exactly. I suppose part of that is because I learned about sex from being in a female household. I got a female perspective on the men in their lives. That was always there when I started trying to have relationships. I didnt want to act like a jerk, like a typical guy, because basically all the husbands had left their wives. My dad had gone. And my cousin across the yard, her dad had gone as well. So men werent very popular. And I didnt really have any kind of male figure to give me their side of the story.
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Instead of queerness I think it's more about gender roles and traits - he's trying to find and accept his identity as a straight cis man that doesn't match the traditional "macho" masculine expectation.
Being raised mostly around women he's had to navigate sex and identity without a male role model, picking up fragments from the female perspectives around him. "Hand-reared, one of a kind"

The line "my sex is neither him nor her" isn't claiming to be non binary but an alienation from traditional masculine behavior and energy.

"My sex is hard to explain, You can't melt it down in the rain" his gender is self-defined as opposed to learned or inherited. His masculinity isn't fragile - it won't melt in the rain. But it's not something straighforward.
He's not tethered to the conventional male narrative. He's open to viewing sex and love from different perspectives particularly those learned from the opposite sex.

"My sex is not forever, It's two silences stitched together" I love this line. At the core of intimacy is connection and quiet unspoken understanding, not performance or dominance.

"This love is too much to take in, what a strange love it's been" as a male he hasn't been socialised into handing emotional intimacy in the way women are and his understanding of love and sex is uncertain and overwhelming.

Sorry if I'm getting carried away here but I this is such a beautiful song. I think it runs the danger of many dismissing it as "just another song about single mothers and sex" but it's so much more.
It's a really self aware reflection about not conforming to gender norms. Instead of pretending and faking bravado he is embracing his vulnerability, awkwardness and uncertainty. It's not rejecting his male identity but it's redefining it in his own personal way.

-- Edited by jarvcore on Monday 9th of June 2025 07:41:46 PM