So guys if you are going to leave comments on the OP, don't be dick about it. No asking about new music or reunion.or stuff like that. I took a big risk asking but it payed off and I really wanna keep on his good side right now. So keep it chill ok.
(I can't post the URL because I'm on my smart phone. I'll edit in the URL later, so just copy and paste at the moment.)
Oh, i see now..
I'm curious Sarah about this "big risk" you've taken, Mark's quite a decent chap, why was it a risk?
You've got a bit melodramatic here and no one is going to be a "dick" about it..
It's just a picture of Webbo's little world..
Oh, i see now.. I'm curious Sarah about this "big risk" you've taken, Mark's quite a decent chap, why was it a risk? You've got a bit melodramatic here and no one is going to be a "dick" about it.. It's just a picture of Webbo's little world..
It's kind of a long story, but I'll give you the jist.
Through "Little Stabs at Happiness" and other film related stuff that he was doing, I found my self on the outer fringes of Mark's social circles for while back in the 90's (and to a lesser extent just before and around the time of the reunion) even so far as to be on first name terms with him, until I blew it like the idiot I was.
For reason's I don't want to go into, I crossed a line and ended up on Mark's blacklist. Primarily due to issues with my mental health, (I wasn't diagnosed with long term clinical depression until 2017) I had a bad habit of forming emotional attachments to people who were even vaguely nice to me, and when that person is your favourite member of your favourite group, you can see how problematic that can be. I developed very creepy, stalkerish behaviour towards him - following him around at his film screenings, giving him little presents and such. Thing is, at the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Now, looking back, I deeply regret my behaviour towards him - especially when I turned up at Experimenta at the BFI in 2009, after 9 years of no contact. He's trying to get on with his life post Pulp and suddenly this demented woman from your past reenters your life with no warning.
I spoke to him in October 2010, a few weeks before the reunion was announced and he didn't give even the slightest hint about what was about to happen. Looking back I should have taken that as a warning sign, but I was too caught up the moment to consider his feelings in all of this which was entirely selfish of me. My sinister behaviour to him only worsened and sitting here now, years later, can I reflect on what potential damage I may have done towards him.
I only realised how badly I had fucked things up with him when, standing cheering in the balcony at Brixton I looked down to see Mark looking straight up at me with a face like thunder, utterly disgusted. When I went to Experimenta that year, even though every morsel of common sense in my head told me to leave it alone - but hey, I'd already bought the tickets. To say I got a frosty reception was an understatement. He barely acknowledged my existence. So after the reunion ended, I left well alone, never once going to his film events even though I was sorely tempted.
Russell's book certainly didn't help. While not a character assassination worthy of Christopher Marlowe, Russell's depiction of Mark in FOTS gave me more red flags than Beijing on Mayday, and left me questioning my judgement about him for years after.
I haven't spoken to him for 11 years. I occasionally look him up on Google to see how he's doing (and well, to make sure he's still alive, haha) but that's as far as it goes. I did actually do a painting of him a few years ago called "A Biography in Cheap Acrylic" that I posted on here a few years ago. It was meant as a sort of apology, but as time went on I got increasingly paranoid that it would lead to me being sectioned, so I painted over it. I might paint it again someday, but I need to sort myself first. The Google thing is how I found the photograph from The Temenos and instead of just posting it up, I asked permission first as a gesture of goodwill.
In the last 8 months I've undergone a massive change in my life, starting with leaving an increasingly toxic work environment that I had been stuck in for a very long time, to work in a place where I was finally appreciated for the work I do, encouraged to progress in my career and accepted as a valued member of the team. I switched medication from Sertraline to Citalopram, which while still affective doesn't have so many of the damaging side effects, both physically and psychologically that the former had. I've done a lot of soul searching, cutting ties with people and things that no longer serve me, and making amends towards people I may have hurt in the past - not just Mark.
If anyone deserves to be happy it's Mark. I guess well never know how being in Pulp affected him - we can only get little snippets - his "year in hell" from 96/97, his refusal to talk to the press around 2000, the Lamacq interviewq from 2010 where he said he "come to terms with Pulp", Comments from Florian's film, but I'm guessing he didn't have an easy time of it. both back then, and during the reunion.
If we ever cross paths again, it will be under his terms. For now, I am content to leave things be and ask first before being impulsive.
Hi Sarah,
Crikey, i wasn't expecting that level of disclosure or personal information..
I appreciate your reply and sincerely understand your delicate position..
As much as i love Pulp and the surrounding noises they make as individuals, I'm not bothered or concern myself with their everyday lives..
I'm not dismissing your interest in Webber and his activities, that's your business..
But others may find it a little bit too much..
And by your own admission, you might agree with this description?
I deeply hope you can find a balance of appreciation for his activities against your personal feelings that might smother your expectations and experiences...
Hi Sarah, Crikey, i wasn't expecting that level of disclosure or personal information.. I appreciate your reply and sincerely understand your delicate position.. As much as i love Pulp and the surrounding noises they make as individuals, I'm not bothered or concern myself with their everyday lives.. I'm not dismissing your interest in Webber and his activities, that's your business.. But others may find it a little bit too much.. And by your own admission, you might agree with this description? I deeply hope you can find a balance of appreciation for his activities against your personal feelings that might smother your expectations and experiences...
Jason, I've been on this forum for over a decade, they all are used to it by now.
The thing is, Jarvis sneezes and there are about three different threads about it. I'm just trying to give a bit of balance on what the other members of Pulp - well Mark anyway - is up to these days.
Maybe you are right and I do go a bit far....sorry.
Hats off to you for big enough to post that Sarah. You've clearly been through some difficult stuff here - it takes takes guts to face up to all that and deal with it. Hope things are going to be better for you moving forward.
(And no, that's not an admission of anything on my part, I always kept a safe distance! Perhaps a little too safe if anything...)
-- Edited by Sturdy on Sunday 19th of June 2022 09:29:04 AM
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"Yes I saw her in the chip shop / so I said get yer top off"
